I am watching on TV the removal of the body of her late Majesty from Buckingham Palace – to the Palace of Westminster and I am sure I am not alone in feeling anguish and compassion for the new King and family walking behind in procession - but perhaps most for Prince Harry who was only 12 when he made a similar walk for his mother.
Of course, Prince William was only 15 at the time – both boys far too young to have lost their vibrant, beautiful mother. A loss inevitably made more complex by their parents’ recent bitter divorce.
The words trauma and PTSD are much bandied about and very poorly understood to the extent that I would no longer be surprised to hear of someone complaining that they suffered PTSD from the late delivery of a takeaway! It can be tempting to write it off as a new or made-up affliction. So, I want to unpack a little of what we mean by the terms.
What we now refer to as Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD) was first identified during the First World War when it was referred to as battle fatigue or shell shock. It was thought only to affect the military and treatment, if any, was concerned with getting soldiers back to the front line. During the Vietnam War, it became apparent that veterans who had returned to home to the US were still suffering long after any prospect of returning to the conflict had been removed. And it was only in the 90’s – the decade in which Princess Diana lost her life – that we started to understand that PTSD could affect civilians – including, heart-breakingly – children.
PTSD differs from normal feeling of sorrow, loss and grief because it causes flashbacks in which the sufferer experiences the sights, smells and sounds of the traumatic event as if they were actually there. The past becomes the present and the feelings experienced at the time of helplessness and extreme fear are overwhelming. I have suffered from it myself on and off for years ever since the deaths of my husband and daughter from blood cancer and can confirm that in the midst of a flashback, you become incapable of rational or coherent thought – it’s very, very frightening.
What makes it harder to understand is that not everyone who goes through a traumatic experience – which one way or another will be all of us – will experience PTSD. Some people are able to process even the most dreadful memories in a way that while upsetting, they are still able to function. Others not so much. One of the key aspects seems to be how much agency you felt you had in the original distressing situation. We all know about the famous fight or flight reactions to unbearable stress – but there is also freeze which is similar to when an animal plays dead to avoid a predator. Some researchers believe that the freeze reaction is what leads to PTSD.
For those who, like me, experience debilitating flashbacks there are some solutions now – most especially EMDR or Eye Movement Desentisation and Reprocessing, which has very good results after only a few treatments. Apparently, specific eye movements which a trained practitioner stimulates usually by moving a pen back and forth in front of the eyes, allows memories to be processed differently. The images become stored more appropriately in the brain meaning they can be retrieved at will and not randomly as flashbacks. I have had EMDR myself and can report that while it’s not 100% effective, it can be really helpful in reducing the frequency and intensity of flashbacks.
We do not know, of course what treatments Prince William or Prince Harry have been offered, or even wanted, in the 25 years since the tragic death of their mother. And I am not going to speculate. Only to say that repeating the agonising walk behind the coffin of a beloved could well bring back memories of that slow painful walk behind their mother’s funeral carriage when they were only children.
It is a great and brave action to take in honour of their grandmother and I know many of us will be holding them in our hearts with every painful step.
Very poignant and important article. I’m glad it explains the difference between real PTSD and what is bandied about in social dialogue.
One minute typo: what does it really mean? Not man
EMDR was very effective for me, though I never experienced flashbacks. Thank you for sharing!